Stand and Conquer

I’m finding it increasingly hard
to believe in you
Ohh I’m finding it difficult
to see the hope
On the grander scale
I consistently fail
To see the point
of what you do
When you see
When you see right through
But hey
at least I got a reason to live
even if it’s got
four legs and a rampant proclive
to eat all day
and sleep all night
Yeah I wish that I
could understand
what makes you think
I don’t deserve your hand
but at least I know
I got a chance
to be without you
for the last dance.

Simply put, I never said that it’d be easy.
Being something you could never be.
I simply lead you down the path.
No matter where it would truly lead.

You’re wasting time asking why.
Why it had to be this way.
But quite frankly,
I’ve got nothing to say.

You stood against me once.
And you stood against me again.
You thought you’d make me better.
You thought you could be my friend.

I wanted you to understand
with the look in my eyes.
But all I’m staring at now
is the clouds in the skies.

You would simply wait
until you meet your fate.
Counting the seconds
until it’s too late.

With a single drop
your color ebbs away
with a single tear
you smile anyway

You knew I was a monster
You knew I was the beast.
And yet, you stood by me
your devotion never ceased.

But you only understand
now that you’re at your end.
That a monster does not make
a very good kind of friend.

Goodbye old fellow
I’ll see you then.
But as for me
this is hardly the end.

Somedays it gets be very lonely
When you speak in tongues

Oftentimes it gets very disparate
When your view is abject to the common perspective

As freeing as it is
To be able to walk in between worlds

You’re like a ghost among the living
Every moment you spend

People see you
They feel your presence

But only a select few
Hear you

And they often are too excitable
to offer anything more than banal reactions

Only a few more than that
Can feel your hand caress by

And simply react with shock and awe
Forgetting themselves as they jump back

To be so enlightened
Being so strange

And yet, having noone to talk to
Who can understand your utterances

As more than just multi-syllabic nonsense
But simply, as words and sentences.

You wake every day
Hoping things will be different

These people all around you
Will have evolved overnight

But you’re wrong
Always wrong

They still silently renounce your touch
They still silently curse in your presence

They still don’t understand
Because they don’t have the capacity to

Must you change yourself to accomodate them
Or must you just remain yourself

A ghost

Cold, starved of companionship, and detached from the world you knew

Welcome back.

You know, there’s times in this little twirling dervish of existence we live in
When life comes to a stop and everything stands at attention
Whether they want to or not

In this moment, something speaks in the wind
Whispering encouraging thoughts in your cerebellum
Making your pulse race as they vibrate through your head

But then things start to move again and you realize
They’ve always been moving
Moving too fast for you to notice

And the thing you stopped to admire
And become entranced by
Has long since moved past you

And you’re left standing
Looking at nothing
With mouth agape

You wish you could reclaim that moment
But you can’t
Because life is always moving
Always progressing
And in the end, you only have a moment to act
A moment to live
A moment to exist
Before you enter an eternity in death.

She stood there, arms at her chest, resting upon her voluptuous bosom, trying to say something. But no matter what utterances fluttered from her soft, pink lips, they did not flit about through the air into my skull, but merely dribbled from her lips onto the floor where only a cursory glance down would show me the scattered letters, standing out stark and white from the hardwood floors.

I pretended to care, because I love to watch her feeble confidence rise up in her features, knowing full well that every ounce of self-esteem in her wet brain rests solely in my hands as I entertain the thought of finally letting her know how completely ineffectual she is. Sadly, she never realizes my awareness and continues to think her oil words to be doing nothing more than stringing from her lips like spittle from a brain dead child.

She walks in to feel my embrace, having my arms wrap around her and make her feel safe. I abide all too willingly, knowing that to do so is like smiling while she walks into the iron maiden. She coos softly, inside her head, she thinks that she feels at rest in this moment, as her cold flesh eats away at the heat of my chest. She looks up at me for a second, then back down, asking for me to speak words of affirmation unto her in some banal, roundabout way. I look down at her, holding my gaze on her head until she looks up and our eyes meet. For a second, I hesitate, knowing that she would be an entertainment for a moment, an object of pleasure I’d keep close until she or I wandered off in some other direction.

But I remember what is to come and smile as I look into her wondering eyes and softly say “I refuse you, my dear.”  She stares intently, not realizing what’s been said, as her hands rest palms down on my chest, before asking what I meant. A grin, acidic with rage, glided onto my face as I spoke it again; “I refuse you. Get out of my sight.” She acts appalled, fearful, and confused at the same time, as she stutters words. She tells me she doesn’t understand my intent, but we both know she knows what I intended when I said those few words.

Her hands claw at her face as her mind melts away, the air grows cold and silent around us, despite all the people nearby, and she starts to hyperventilate as I remain in my current state, smile straining to expand even further as I hear the cracking of the ice all around as it welcomes another into it’s frostbitten grip. She screams obscenities as her teeth gnash, becoming sharp and misaligned, as she drags her nails down her face, peeling away skin.

Soon, words become simply screams as her eyes glow and her human facade falls away and what was once anger and rage turns now into sorrow and desperation. Her once strong visage, yelling these profane things to me, turns inward and she collects herself on the floor, huddled over as she grasps onto anything that can offer comfort, but finds nothing but the cracked flesh she has adorned herself with. For the cold, numbing fingers of the other place have no such hesitation as to take when they desire and know no mercy for those whose only wish is to be warm.

I don’t know what to think
As my fingers claw into the ground
I don’t know what I’m seeing
As my head bangs into the floorboards

All I hear is noise
Muffled words as they vibrate across my entire body
All I see is smearing forms
Eyes blackened and mouths agape

What was once understanding
Becomes boiling hatred
What was once there
Now is gone

These…things…all around me
They stand as enemies in my state
They are standing between me and freedom
As my mind unravels

I growl with all my anger
My muscles tense
Fingers, hands, arms, becoming weapons
As the collective parts of me form into a whirling dervish of rage

And yet, as my body lunges out for the throat of my enemy, a voice calls out
Pleading with me to stop
A voice I know all too well
As it recites one thing, over and over again

We are one, we are whole
We are naught, but a soul
We stand unified
As the reigns pull back
And we regain our composure
As we go onto the attack.

And so we’ve always held fast, embracing our beastly features
Calling them by their names
Holding them close, so they cannot break free

Standing as one, solitary, unified being
Wholly devoted in ourself
We are none, we are all, we are me.

Every day I look at you

Longing fingers stretch forth toward your visage

Forlorn eyes look upon your face and explore every feature

Unspoken tongues speak in lust of you

Yet, you only show your face uncovered for only but a day

All other times, covering it in varying degrees, before turning away completely

My love, don’t be shy

My dear, let your bright exuberance ignite my passion

My darling, calm me with your ever returning song

It is in your visage that I quell my rage

It is in your visage that I feel your anxiety-laced longing for the world I live in

It is in your visage that I remember my love for you

My pale, shy, beautiful lover.

You stare at me so

with sockets empty and black

did you leave your eyes in a shack?

Floating in the sea?

Sitting elsewhere as you stare at me?

You growl furiously, but all I think

is if you left them in the kitchen sink.

Maybe on a chair

or perhaps, a plane in the air?

Do you long for mine?

Until you find what belongs to you?

Hidden, mayhaps,

in a well-aged leather shoe?

Oh my ghastly friend,

I too know what it is

to lose a part of you

But do not despair

for I will be there

Your empty vessel for your quest

rising and moving, at your behest

For what is it to live and die

if you must exist afterward

without an eye?

Wake up in a paralysis.
Voice speaks inside of my head.

“Don’t fight anymore, Jacob.”
“The time has come.”
“A time of slashed faces.”
“A time of fear and terror.”

I shook my head as I struggled to wake up, hearing another voice, my voice.

“Wake up, Jake, WAKE. UP.”

“Come on, Jake, you gotta wake up!”

One last thing

“We aren’t leaving.”